Can Amish Divorce? The Amish Beliefs and Views on Marriage

When most people think of the Amish, they picture close-knit communities living simple, faith-centered lives where tradition and family go hand in hand. Marriage holds a special place in Amish culture and is seen not just as a bond between two people but as a lifelong commitment grounded in their faith. But what happens when those vows are tested? Can Amish couples get divorced? Understanding the Amish views on marriage and divorce means stepping into a world where faith, community, and tradition shape every decision.

Key Takeaways:

• Amish divorce is not allowed because it is seen as a serious breaking of marriage vows.
• Instead of divorcing, Amish couples get support and advice from church leaders and the community to try to save their marriage.
• If someone leaves to get a divorce, they lose their Amish community and can only marry outside of it.

In this article, we’ll explore the Amish beliefs about marriage, their strict stance on divorce, and what happens when a marriage faces difficulties.

Can Amish Get Divorced?

The simple answer is that the Amish do not recognize divorce in the way modern society does. Once a couple is married in the Amish church, the union is considered a lifelong covenant before God, and breaking that vow is viewed as sinful.According to Doug Crawford, founder of Best Trade Schools, who has a rich experience in the study of cultural dynamics and traditional community values:

“In Amish culture, marriage is a sacred union and is considered permanent and thus divorce is not embraced. Nevertheless, in case a marriage breaks due to serious problems such as abuse or abandonment, the community can allow the divorce in exceptional cases.”

Instead of divorce, the Amish emphasize reconciliation, forgiveness, and community-based counseling led by church elders. While legal divorce is a possibility in the “English” world, an Amish person who pursues it risks being shunned and losing their community ties. 

The Amish Culture’s Views on Marriage and Divorce

Marriage is central to Amish life and faith. It is viewed as a lifelong, sacred commitment and the foundation of the Amish family and community. Divorce, therefore, is strictly prohibited and seen as a serious violation of the marriage vows, often leading to excommunication.

The Foundation of Marriage
Marriage is governed by the Ordnung, the Amish Code of Conduct, which outlines how Amish people live, including strict rules about marriage. It emphasizes lifelong faithfulness and commitment.

Courtship and Purity
Courtship typically begins in the late teens and is private and purposeful. Some Amish communities practice “bundling,” where a couple talks through the night fully clothed to build intimacy without premarital sex.

Marriage Within the Faith
Amish men and women must marry within the Amish community. Marrying outside requires leaving the church, and conversion into the Amish faith is rare and discouraged.

Defined Roles in Marriage
Husbands are the heads of the household and work outside, while wives manage the home and children. Despite this, marriage is seen as a partnership with shared responsibilities.

Amish Views on Divorce

Divorce is not allowed within the Amish church. It contradicts the sacred vows made during baptism and is considered grounds for excommunication. When marriages face difficulties, the community encourages support and reconciliation rather than separation.

What Happens If The Marriage of An Amish Couple Fails?

In the Amish community, when marriage issues arise, couples do not seek the legal system but instead turn to church leaders for guidance. These leaders, acting as counselors, work closely with the couple to resolve conflicts through prayer, open communication, and the support of the community. Since divorce is not accepted in Amish culture, the goal is always to preserve the marriage, with the church playing a central role in reconciliation.

Infidelity and Community Support

In cases of infidelity, the matter is kept private, and the woman often relies on prayer and the support of family and church members. The Amish community may offer financial and emotional assistance as she hopes for her husband’s repentance and return. 

As Doug explains, “The community emphasizes restoration over separation, and divorce is strongly discouraged.” The focus remains on reconciliation rather than the breakdown of the marriage.

When Can An Amish Man or Woman Remarry?

An Amish person may only remarry after their spouse’s death. The courtship process is discreet and typically done through mail as a sign of respect for the deceased. Even after a separation, any new relationship is seen as adultery. Doug notes, “There is a time of reflection and repentance before remarriage is possible, and only acceptable with the permission of the church in case of divorce.” This process is sensitive and guided by church leaders to ensure discipline and respect for the community.

What If One Leaves The Amish Community to Pursue a Divorce?

If an Amish man leaves the community to pursue divorce in the outside world, the remaining spouse is still not allowed to remarry within the Amish faith. However, the individual who leaves is free to remarry a non-Amish person, as they have been excommunicated and shunned by the community. This separation from the Amish faith grants them freedom in modern society but leaves them cut off from their former community.

Explore our full guide on Amish ways and traditions to understand the community’s perspective on marriage and separation. 

Conclusion

For the Amish, marriage is viewed as a sacred, lifelong covenant that must be honored and nurtured despite the challenges that come with married life. While disagreements and struggles exist in every relationship, divorce is not considered an acceptable solution within their faith and culture. Instead, couples are expected to work through difficulties with patience, forgiveness, and guidance from the church and community.

Family remains at the heart of Amish society, and marriage is the foundation upon which families and communities are built. The Amish believe they are honoring both God’s word and the values passed down for generations. The focus is on preserving family unity and strength as a testimony of faith. This approach places less emphasis on the idea of divorce itself.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can an Amish man and woman divorce legally outside the church? 

The Amish church doesn’t recognize spiritual divorce, but a couple can pursue a legal, secular divorce. This option is available when a marriage is no longer viable. However, doing so would likely lead to severe consequences, including being shunned.

Are there any exceptions for divorce in the Amish community? 

There are no exceptions for spiritual divorce. However, in cases of severe abuse or infidelity, a separation might be tolerated, though not encouraged. The emphasis remains on repentance and reconciliation.

How do Amish marriages differ from arranged marriages? 

Amish marriages are not arranged by parents. Young people can choose their own partners through courtship. However, community and family approval are essential.

What happens to Amish children if parents separate or leave the community?

In an Amish family separation, children typically stay within the community with the parent who remains in the church. The community’s strong emphasis on faith and family ensures children are raised in the Amish way of life. The community strongly encourages raising children in the Amish faith, and extended family members may step in to provide stability. When a parent leaves for the “English” world, contact with their children can become complicated. This is particularly true if the practice of shunning is involved.